Friday, December 9, 2011

Episode 4: Why work sucks and other secrets of the world

Asshole: Hi and welcome to episode 4 of the Smart Weiters Blog, a place to come after your long day of work, to sit back, have an adult beverage and enjoy the pathetic misery that is my life. Seriously, you people are like fucking vultures just waiting for me to give up and die. You stand there, ignoring my demands to comment on these interviews because you’re all pathetic bastards who don't care about my only true goal of this god damn show which is to make broke ass indie authors shell out their own money to buy you their stupid books. It's like you people live just to piss me off. If I was a religious man, I'd piss in your holy water, mix it with oil, drench myself in it and light myself on fire only to dance out the flames on the hopes and dreams of every damn author we interview myself just to accomplish my one fucking goal.

Brim: You all right there champ?

A: Go fuck yourself you pasty round bastard. Climb out of the electric rock you live in and look at the sun for once. Fuck, you give albinos a bad name. Just knowing how bad you look makes Caspar happy he ended it long ago.

B: You’re a jackass.

A: That felt good. Venting, episode 4 of the soon to be recast Smart Weiters Blog number 2, which apparently we’re supposed to say. I guess number one got infected with syphilis, thought it was being eaten by a blanket and shot itself. That's what happens when you spend too much time on those “private browsing” websites though.

B: You are the expert.

A: I'm above that. I'm not a fucking horny teenager. I get hookers. You put the state of Utah to shame though.

B: Let’s get to the interview before we offend anyone else

A: Can you imagine how much a 14 person Mormon household squeaks at night?

B: Oh god, today on the show we interview Donovan Sotam about his short story collection Working for Heat.

A: Think the Office in word format.

B: So Donovan, why don't you say hello and tell our audience-

A: You mean the 3 people who have porn loading in another tab?

B:- about your collection of short stories.

Donovan: Well, It's basically like you said, The Office in words, or like someone who wrote one  review over at amazon, praise those who have free time to write reviews *laughs*, "It's The office on acid." But I don't really want to attach Working for Heat, to "the office in words." The title basically means that you're working to no effect, a direct translation from a Portuguese expression. A more broad view of my book would be a satirical approach, full of non-sense, bizarre and surreal events and characters in the working environment. This will be part of a series, and Volume I, starts with three short-stories, which basically follows the natural evolution, or sometimes not so natural as we unfortunately see during our working hours. So, there's a story on how one tries to get the first job, another to try and get a raise and finally someone getting fired. So basically, being born, growing and dying in the "work life."

A: So what's your work life been like? How many times did you have to die before penning this stew of bitterness directed at management? 

B: This isn't about bitterness Asshole.  

DS: Ahh, I can see you probably have some stories I could use. We should talk someday Asshole. I'm always in need of some inspiration. I’m very young, only 26, and I'm still on the very first job that took me in. So, no, I haven't died in my work place, although sometimes with  all the stupidity there, I have thought of "suiciding" that job, even though I love what I do there. The employment here in Portugal is very bad right now so I won't change anytime soon.

A: I've died five times and I'm twenty four.

B: That's cause you’re an asshole.

A: People just don’t appreciate the humor I'm laying down.

B: I'm picking it up.

A: Just shut up.

B: So let's talk about your first story Donovan. Severance Coffee is a story about a hard working woman who gets fired due to cutbacks. What was the thought going into this story?

DS: I don't know much about the employment laws in the United States, but here in Portugal, whether it be in the private or public sector, there's a strong reinforcement of non-meritocratic rules. Most of my stories are exaggerated, or sometimes not that exaggerated, *shy laugh* of real situations. And this actually happened. We have a perfectly good employee who is fired, mostly because he's the youngest, so the severance package is lower, instead of the incompetent employee, just because this last has a higher severance package. But, basically it's a satire of how unintelligent public and private companies function in terms of RH.

A: You’re totally right. Instead of firing the old guy who pushes the broom around the restaurant, they fire me because I tried something ambitious and new.

B: You tried to deep fry a whole chicken.

A: So?

B: It was still alive...

A: That fucking bird is lucky the manager stopped me.

B: So Donovan, how about your second story. This one is my favorite by far with an employee going so far as to breaking into his boss's office to dress it up as the future because he knows he'll only get a raise by being there longer. Please tell me this is based off a true story.

DS: Deep fry, is there anything that it can't do?! Perhaps save you from a heart attack... *thinks for a while*... I'm sorry, wandered a bit there...  I'm Glad you like it Brim, it's also my favorite story, and the first one I ever wrote in the series. I was quite happy with it, probably because it shows my inner geek better than the other stories. Unfortunately, due to some reasons, one of those being I don't have the balls, I can say balls here, can't I?! It did not happen, but being a firm believer in the multiverse, I sure hope there's a parallel me out there that has done this to its full extent, and who knows even perfected it, since my lack of exercise would probably mean I would be a lousy ninja!

A: I'm part of the Ninjas-With-Guns-Union, you know the NWGU, for ninjas who want the look but don't want to get into top physical shape. 

B: And how about your last story. Now I've never done an internship but from the way you describe it, it seems they not only get shafted when it comes to creating a real career but that they also do most of the grunt work.

DS: Hmmm...a ninja never reveals he’s a ninja. *DS begins a staring contest with A*. Here in Portugal, and also the idea I have, globally, but your two viewers can correct me if you're wrong *laughs* is that an internship is an invisible force; one that does all the hard work and never gets credit for it. There are even some companies that take up voluntary internships. And when I say voluntary I mean, absolutely free of charge. Well, that's not exactly true. Sometimes the interns have to pay for insurance to work for free, so it's not exactly free of charge... And like I say in my story, the "invisible" people in Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere was a huge inspiration to me.

B: I actually just read that book a few months ago. It's amazing.

A: No one cares. Get me a triple espresso and a squiggly strawBen, I am winning this fucking staring contest.

B: So what is your whole plan for Working for Heat? I know you said it would be part of a series but are you only doing shorts, entering any contests, maybe working on a novel?

A: (claps hand) Come on fucker, blink! Get my coffee bitch Ben.

DS: I love short stories, and I plan to start making some sci-fi ones, but I think Working for Heat is going to be an ongoing project, I've just released the second Volume, and... (pauses and looks at Asshole...) *whispers to Brim*, is he going to stare for the rest of the interview, it's kind of freaking me out..*forced cough* Sorry about that. As I was saying my second Volume is out, and I've already began writing a novel, again humor and satire. Don't want to give much away, perhaps, you can do another interview when I'm finished. I've got to finish it before 21.12.2012 *winks*. As for contests, I've entered two 600 words stories over at that finished this past 1st of December, and I’m eagerly looking forward to see if I've won anything.

B: I don't think he'll stop staring.

A: Let's go fucker. Blink! Blink!

B: So that about wraps it up for the show. Do you have anything to add Donovan?

DS: I think I’ve summed up most of... ohh, wait, yes! I have one more thing to add: There's a giant fried chicken behind you Asshole.... Ahh, made you blink! To all the folks out there, happy readings, and keep supporting indie authors. Thanks for having me Brim... Asshole *shakes his hand*. I hope you didn't take it personally. Cheers!

A: Mother Fucker! Ben, you shit bag cocksucker! If you'd gotten my coffee, I'd of won.

B: That does it for us. Donovan, don't be a stranger. Come by whenever you finish that novel. Make sure to check out his stuff on Amazon. Both volumes of Working for Heart are each only .99 cents.

Ben: Thank you for joining us here on the Smart Weiters Blog 2. To receive a free ebook of Donovan’s second title, Working for Heat II, simply enter this code in at Smashwords; FB49K. It’ll only work though till Friday December 16th so pick it up today. You can check out his links here:

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